do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
