Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
