our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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