I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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