I want to walk on stilts...naked
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
