take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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