he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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