Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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