This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
