I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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