i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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