I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
