So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
