meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My liver just broke up with me...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
