He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
