cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
