I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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