I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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