the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I believe in your delicious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
