we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
