i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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