he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
