I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
