I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
