Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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