quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
