I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
