we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
