Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
