Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
