so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
