my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
