just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
