At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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