I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
