I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
