I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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