She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
