I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
