I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
