When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize