apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
