Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
