so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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