absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
