She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
