I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
