They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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