who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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