we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
