I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
