Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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