HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
