a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
