If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
