Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
