I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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