I faked an abortion last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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