i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
